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Lost_on_the_road
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Name: Shauna
Gender: Female
Interests: {Skateboarding}Harry Potter,blogging,poetry,music,
reading,serious stuff(LOL),BOYS,RPing,
friends if i had any,Xanga,Love,David boreanez,YOU!!!(LOL),School(not)writing,FOB,MCR,PATD....
Expertise: Moving
Occupation: student
Message: message me
Member Since:
3/16/2007
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| Thinking for days, dying for months, living for years! So I thought about some stuff last night,(couldn't sleep) But that's not important right now! But what is, is that i stopped caring! Hm!.... {ME!} | | |
| Okay first of all..Thanks to everyone who has been leaving comments! Second of all...Keep doing so! Third of all..I am on my apt building roof! I sit up here w/ my laptop, just thinking, why? I know some peoples lives are worse than mine, but i CAN'T deal with mine anymore! I have been using that word alot lately CAN'T....I CAN'T live this way anymore!I CAN'T do this!..I CAN'T CAN'T CAN'T CAN'T....i just CAN'T! I wonder if i was to jump off this roof, would i pass out before i hit the ground, would i feel pain when i hit the ground?...Or would everything go in slow motion?..I guess i'll never know..unless i just jumped off....i am really thinking about it... I have tried to kill myself in the past, 3 times Once when i was 10 and one of my mum b/f's tried to have his way with me and i stopped him,but my mum didnt believe me, so i took a bottle full of Xanax and i Can't remember much of that day or days after that... Once when i was 14..but i will not go into that one...to painful.. Once when i just turned 16 about 4 months ago......I tried to hang myself and if my mum didn't find me..i wouldn't be here..right now typing this.... My favorite time of the day is when the sunsets cause on this roof...its like magic and i feel peaceful....one day i will get a camera and take a picture, then i will post it on here and you'll see why i love being on this roof..... Yes i am still thinking about jumping off the roof !! I'm just trying to find my way in life, trying to find out if i belong here! Does everyone have a place in life, cause i really think, i don't belong here!! Well this is all for now...i think i might just sit here on the edge of this roof and think for awhile..so do what you do best and leave me comments!! {ME!!!} | | |
| I walk into the room, where my mum is and i stand in front of her. ME: "Mum, i need to talk to you" MUM: "Can't this wait" (she doesn't look up) ME:"Mum please" (i am near tears) MUM: "What?"( she looks up) ME: I can't do this anymore, i can't keep moving, it's killing me" MUM: "I'm sorry hun, we're gonna be here awhile tho' so just stop crying and go outside or something" ME: DO YOU EVEN LOVE ME, DO YOU?" (screams it) MUM:Young lady, shut your mouth before i do it for you" (stands up) ME:"So i guess thats a no then" MUM:I do love you and you know that, now stop being a baby and get out of here" ME: NO!..."(gets slapped) MUM:Go to your room now!!" So i go to my room, and go into the bathroom, then picking up a pair of scissors i pull my sleeve up and for the first time in my life, i feel like cutting myself, but i don't, i throw it in the tub and go toward my room and started to pound on the walls screaming....yes i know its childish but i needed to get out my frustrations MUM: "STop it you little bitch" (she screams as she pounds on the door, which is locked) ME:"GO TO HELL!!" I slid down the wall and started to hit my head on the wall, hard...with my radio up loud...i sat there for hours and hours until, i ended up passing out from the headache from hitting my head, so hard and for hours..... | | |
| Today when i woke up, i went to the roof of my apartment buildingAnd stood near the edge, just thinking about everything Then i got to thinking if i fell off this building who would careWho would cry at my funeral, surely not my mum I looked down and saw the street and imagined falling and hitting that street, would i pass out before i hit the ground or would i see myself falling then hit the ground. I feel so hollow and numb, i can't take it no more, but i know what usually happens when i feel like this, i deal with it and move on, but how long can you deal with it before you do something about it?... I've been dealing with moving and the many guys in my mums life and the loneliness and the heartache When will i just finally go over the edge, just forget everything and just parish from this world, with all my sorrow and pain. I did think about jumping off that building, i swear i didBut i couldn't bring myself to do it...why?I have no clue why... You will never know how i feelYou will never really know me I walk down this road alone,It's empty and always will be,no matter how much i tryno one seems to want to walk with meI run as fast as i can,trying to get to the end of the streetand when i finally reach the endIt's just the beginning of the same street. | | |
| Gah..i can't sleep..... Anyways yesterday i was on a half pipe and i'm looking at all the people around me and kick off the side and go down and i'm freaking out a little and i go up and do a backflip tailgrab...i ACTUALLY done it and then i land BAM....on my shoulder and i hear this loud CRUNCH and i'm really freaking out and everyone is running toward me and i can't feel the pain...guess i was in shock...but then i realize that it was my board that broke and not me...but my shoulder is very sore and bruised. Shauna... | | |
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OverDose?! 
